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Guilty Pleasures
"No, death hadn't changed [Willie] much. But just in case, I avoided looking directly into
his eyes. It was standard policy for dealing with vampires. He was a slime bucket, but now he was an undead slime bucket."
"Fear ran up my spine and into my throat. I fought an urge to draw my crucifix out of my shirt
and drive him from my office. Somehow throwing a client out using a holy iten seemed less than professional."
"His eyes widened as I walked over the thick carpeting. Maybe it was the cross swinging on
its long chain. Maybe it was the shoulder rig tight across my back, and the gun out in plain sight. He didn't mention either.
Smart man."
"'Anita, are you all right?'
Why do people always ask you that when the answer is obviously no? I spoke in a whisper, not
sure how it would feel to talk. It didn't feel too bad.
"Just peachy keen.'"
- Jean-Claude & Anita
"I have been on the wrong side of a lot of locked doors. Not a one of them had just opened
for me, but there was always a first time. Yeah, I should live so long. Scratch that; bad phrase."
"'Why are you laughing?'
His voice held just a hint of unease. Good.
'I was hoping that the vampires would come for me soon and save me. You've got to admit that's
funny.'"
- Wererat & Anita
"'Well,' I said, 'all we need is the theme from Dracula, Prince of Darkness, and we'll be all
set.'
Her voice was like her laugh, high and harmless. Planned innocence.
'You think you are funny, don't you?'
I shrugged. 'It comes and goes.'"
- Anita & Nikolaos
"Geez, look into my eyes. You'd think the city's master vampire could be more original."
"I try not to be cruel, just persistant. There are days when the difference is pretty damn
slight."
"You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can't save anyone. Each
person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle,
or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine."
"Pity is an emotion that can get you killed. The only thing more dangerous is blind hate, and
maybe love."
"If he stopped us with Phillip in his little fishnet shirt, all nicely scarred, would he be
suspicious? Where are you going, miss? I'm sorry, officer, we have this illegal party to go to, and we're running late."
"'Enough of this, animator. He can't do it, so he pays the price. Either leave now, or join
us at our...feast.'
'Are you having rare Who-roast-beast?' I asked.
'What are you talking about?'
'It's from Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. You know the part, "And they'd
feast! Feast! Feast! Feast! Feast! They would feast on Who-pudding and rare Who-roast-beast."'
'You are crazy.'
'So I've been told.'"
- Theresa & Anita
"She smiled and said, 'Welcome. Is this your first time?'
I smiled back at her, pleasant, as if I wasn't carrying enough weaponry to take out half the
congregation."
- Church of Eternal Life Member
"'You son of a bitch, you fucking son of a bitch.'
My voice sounded utterly calm, no emotion whatsoever. Aubrey's face frowned at me through a
mask of Phillip's blood.
'Do not say such things to me.'
'You ugly, stinking, mother-fucking bastard.'"
- Anita & Aubrey
"'You don't smoke, do you?'
'No, why?'
'They're afraid of fire.'
'Great; we're going to be eaten alive because neither of us smokes.'
I almost laughed. He sounded so thoroughly disgusted[.]"
- Edward & Anita
"'I won't die, eaten alive,' he said. He put a fresh clip in his gun. 'I'll do you first if
you want, or you can do it yourself.'
'Save your bullets, Edward.'
I liften a can of gasoline in one hand.
'What are you planning?' he asked.
'I'm going to set the shed on fire.'
I splashed gasoline on the door. The smell was sharp and tugged at the back of my throat.
'With us inside?' he asked.
'Yes.'
'I'd rather shoot myself, if it's all the same to you.'"
- Edward & Anita
"'You stay away from me for a while, Jean-Claude, or I swear...'
'You'll kill me?' he said.
He was smiling, laughing at me. I didn't shoot him. And some people say I have no sense of
humor."
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"'You smell of other people's blood, ma petite.'
I smiled at him, sweetly. 'It was no one you know.'"
- Jean-Claude & Anita
"'You are either very brave, or very stupid.'
'You really need at least one dimple to go with the voice.'
Jean-Claude said softly, 'I'm betting on stupid.'"
- Anita, Nikolaos & Jean-Claude
"Guilty Pleasures treads a thin line between entertainment and the sadistic. The Circus goes
over the edge and down into the abyss. And here I go inside. Oh, joy in the morning."
The Laughing Corpse
"Surely being in love doesn't cause you to lose your sense of good taste. If
I ever buy a gown with sequins on it, someone just shoot me."
"I decided not to answer on the grounds that it might piss someone off."
"My right hand was sort of casually near my gun, without looking like I was reaching
for my gun. It wasn't easy. Reaching for a gun usually looks like reaching for a gun. No one seemed to notice though. Goody
for our side."
"His pale eyes flicked from the gun to my face, then back to the gun. 'You wouldn't
be so tough without that piece.' If he wanted me to offer to arm wrestle him, he was in for a disappointment."
- Bodyguard and Anita
"It's the cross-shaped scar on my arm. Only vampires have them, right? A cross
shoved into unclean flesh. Mine had been a branding iron specially made. A now dead master vampire had ordered it. Thought
it would be funny. Hardy-har."
"His smile widened, still not fangs. He did that better than any living vampire
I knew. Was living vampire an oxymoron? I wasn't sure anymore."
"Who would have ever thought I'd be afraid of a zombie, any kind of zombie? Nicely
ironic that."
"Important safety tip with most of the spiritual world: if you ignore it, it
has less power. This does not work with demons or other demi-beings. Other exceptions to the rule are vampires, zombies, ghouls,
lycanthropes, witches... Oh, hell, ignoring only works for ghosts."
"Zerbrowski was peering at the aquarium. He glanced my way. 'These are the biggest
freaking angelfish I've ever seen. You could fry some of 'em up in a pan.' 'Leave the fish alone, Zerbrowski,' I said. He
grinned. 'Sure, just a thought.'"
- Zerbrowski and Anita
"People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge
is so damn frightening."
"'It is not a threat, ma petite. It is the truth.' 'No, it isn't. And
stop calling me ma fucking petite.'"
- Jean-Claude and Anita
"We would go down to the Tenderloin. Pimps beware. I was bringing the Master
as backup. It was like carrying a thermonuclear device to kill ants. Overkill has always been a specialty of mine."
"'Damn you, Jean-Claude, damn you'. 'That, dear Anita, was done long before you
met me.'"
- Anita and Jean-Claude
"Had to see. Had to look. Might find a clue. Sure, and pigs could fucking fly.
But still, maybe, maybe there would be a clue. Maybe. Hope is a lying bitch."
"I wanted to say something brilliant. My God, Holmes, how did you know the zombie
was hiding in the flower pot?"
"I felt like shit, but it was happy shit."
The Circus of the Damned
"His hands folded in his lap for a second, then began their dance again, coat, tie, tie clip,
collar, lap. I figured I could stand to watch him fidget maybe five more times before I screamed for mercy and promised him
anything he wanted."
"'If you came here to call me names, get the hell out of my office. If you have real business,
state it, then get the hell out of my office.'"
- Anita
"'You are an abomination before God.'
'Jesus loves you, too,' I said, smiling."
- Jeremy Reubens & Anita
"'If the Master eats you, can I have your nifty coveralls?' Zerbrowski asked.
'Buy your own, you cheap bastard.'
'I'd rather have the ones that have enveloped your luscious body."
"Give it a rest, Zerbrowski. I'm not into little choo-choos.'
'What the hell do trains have to do with anything?' Dolph asked.
Zerbrowski and I looked at each other. We started giggling and couldn't stop. I could claim
sleep deprivation. I'd been on my feet for fourteen straight hours, raising the dead and talking to right-wing fruitcakes.
I had a right to be hysterical with laughter. I don't know what Zerbrowski's excuse was.'"
- Zerbrowski, Anita & Dolph
"It was too cold to be standing outside with my jacket half-unzipped. But if I zipped it all
the way, I'd never get to my gun in time. Freeze my butt off, or be able to defend myself. The clowns on the roof had fangs.
I decided it wasn't that cold after all."
"I was hungry, and the corn dogs smelled good. Should I eat first or accuse the Master of the
City of murder? Choices, choices."
"'I thought you'd be taller'
'It disappoints me, too, sometimes,' I said."
- Yasmeen & Anita
"'Jesus, are all vampires over two hundred perverts?'
'I am over two hundred,' Jean-Claude said.
'I rest my case.'"
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"'I am not your human servant. I will never be your human servant. I wish you'd just accept
that and leave me the fuck alone.'
He frowned. 'Ma petite, such language.'
'Fuck off.'"
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"Something like fear crossed his face, filled his eyes.
'What are you afraid of?' I asked.
'Airplanes, guns, large predators, and master vampires.'
'I agree with two out of four,' I said."
- Anita & Richard
"'What size dress do you wear?'
'Seven,' I said.
'I would have guessed smaller.'
'I'm too chesty for a six, and they don't make six and a halfs.'
'Chesty, woo, woo.'
'Stop it.'
'Sorry, couldn't resist,' he said."
- Richard & Anita
"'Can the sarcasm,' he said.
'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.'"
- Dolph & Anita
"Turnabout is fair play. Payback is a bitch."
"Dolph had his gun out and read. Without silver-plated bullets, it was better than spitting
at the monster, but barely."
"He had this old Southern idea of what a lady should be. A lady should not carry a gun and
spend most of her time covered in blood and corpses. I had two words for that attitude. Yeah, those are the words."
"'You're not cooperating'
'So sorry.'
'Anita.'
'I just don't believe in helping people who are going to torture me. Though I don't see any
bamboo slivers. How can you possibly torture someone without bamboo slivers?'
'Stop it.' He sounded angry.
'Stop what?'
'How can I torture you when you keep making me laugh?'
'You can't; that was the plan.'"
- Edward & Anita
"'What am I going to be dressed as?'
'A Civil War bride,' he said.
'Does that mean a hoop skirt?'
'Probably.'
I frowned. 'And what are you going to be?'
'A Confederate officer.'
'You get to wear pants,' I said.
'I don't think the dress would fit me.'"
- Anita & Richard
"'I didn't know you cared,' I said.
His face was blank, empty. 'It would be a lot less interesting world without you in it.' The
voice was flat, unemotional.
'Gee whiz, Edward, contain your excitement.'"
- Anita & Edward
"'I have a date coming over.'
'You? Have a date?'
I frowned at him. 'It's not that big a deal.'
Edward was grinning like the proverbial cat. 'I'll let him in.'
'Edward, be nice.'
'Me, nice?'
'Alright, just don't shoot him.'
'I think I can manage that.'"
- Anita & Edward
The Lunatic Cafe
"Never take your eyes off the vampire in front of you to glance at the werewolf in back of
you. One problem at a time."
"You don't volunteer for slugfests with vampires. It shortens your life expectancy."
"'You're too late to find Alfred.'
'How too late?'
'I killed him last night.'
A smile spread across his face, beautiful to behold. 'You always make my job easier.'"
- Anita & Edward
"'You sound like you've done it.'
'I'm certified.'
'Well, aren't you multitalented.'"
- Anita & MacAdams
"'What the hell happened to him?' one of the deputies asked.
'He's been skinned,' I said.
'Jesus Christ,' the deputy said.
'Right thought, wrong religion,' I said."
- Unnamed Deputy & Anita
"Richard was still by the door, looking unclothed and inviting. Jean-Claude stood by the couch
utterly still, like a three-dimensional picture of a wet dream. The sexual potential in the room was astronomical. The fact
that nothing was going to happen was almost sad."
"'You sound awful.'
'You don't. You didn't get much more sleep than I did. How come you sound so much better? Please
tell me you aren't a morning person.'
He laughed. 'Guilty as charged.'
Furry I could forgive; a morning person, I'd have to think about that."
- Richard & Anita
"Gabriel and Raina were in the backseat. If asked, I would have chosen different people for
backup. In any case, Richard had given me exactly what I'd asked for: scary, intimidating shapeshifters. I wasn't used to
getting exactly what I asked for. Next time I'd be more specific."
"Raina was dressed normally enough. Sort of. She was wearing an ankle-length fur coat. Cannibalism
is one thing, but wearing the skin of your dead? It seemed a little cold blooded even for the psycho bitch from hell."
"'Touch me again, and I am going to feed you that hand.'
'Hands are very bony. I prefer a more tender cut of meat. Breast or thigh is my preference,'
Gabriel said."
- Ronnie & Gabriel
"'I'm here because Richard asked me,' Raina said.
I jerked a thumb at Gabriel. 'Who called in him?'
'I chose him. Gabriel is very good at intimidation.'
He was big, leather clad, metal studded, and had sharp, pointy teeth. Yeah, I'd say that was
intimidating."
"'What do you want?'
'I want to play,' he said.
I stared at him. 'Just like that. You don't know what I'm involved in, but you want a piece
of it.'
'Following you around lets me kill a lot of people.'
Sad, but true."
- Anita & Edward
"I thought about calling him a bastard, but it wouldn't help. Seven people had died because
this son of a bitch didn't like being a bird."
"'I'm not real big on repentance,' I said. 'I like revenge better.'
'If I wasn't confident you would die tonight, that might worry me.'
'Worry,' I said."
- Anita & Kaspar
"He holstered his big gun. That left one revolver, two automatics, and a high-powered rifle.
It was enough. Dream team that we are, Edward and I had our limits."
"'Always needing to have the last word is a bad trait, Ms. Blake. Pisses people off.'
'That's the idea.'"
- Titus & Anita
"He took two automatcis, a derringer, and a knife big enough to pass for a short sword from
Edward.
'Who do the two of you think you are"? The freaking cavalry?'
Edward didn't say a thing. If he could be quiet, so could I."
- Titus
"If you're going to die, at least die brave. It pisses your enemies off."
"Marcus told me that Alfred had killed the girl all on his own. Gabriel hadn't known it was
going to happen, but once she was dead, waste not, want not. Raina had distributed the film for the same reason. I didn't
really believe them. Awful damn convenient to blame a dead man. But I didn't tell Edward. I did tell Gabriel and Raina that
if any other snuff films surfaced, they could kiss their furry asses good-bye."
Bloody Bones
"There was nothing but the photos. No explanation. Bert had said to come to his office after
I'd looked at them. He'd explain everything. Yeah, I believed that. The Easter Bunny is a friend of mine, too."
"'If you didn't make so much money, I wouldn't put up with your shit.'
'Ditto.' I said.
That about summed up our relationship."
- Bert & Anita
"Larry twisted in his seat. He was sitting beside the pilot. 'You're really afraid of flying?'
He sounded amused.
'Yes, Larry, I'm really afraid of flying.'
I hoped sarcasm traveled the headsets as clearly as amusement did. Larry laughed. Evidently,
sarcasm traveled."
- Larry & Anita
"Some people are like that. The more you say no, the more they want you. It reminded me of
a certain master vampire I knew."
"'Why don't I get a shotgun?' Larry asked.
I just looked at him. He looked serious. I shook my head.
'When you can handle the nine, we'll talk about shotguns.'
'Great.'
Oh, for the enthusiasm of youth."
- Larry & Anita
"'Please tell me he didn't just go poof,' Larry said.
'He didn't just go poof,' I said.
'What did he do, then?'
'How the hell do I know. This wasn't covered in fairies 301.'"
- Larry & Anita
"A sound jerked me around. The Browning sort of materialized in my hand. I was staring down
the barrel at Jean-Claude.
'Well, ma petite, are you going to shoot me?'
I was still standing there with the gun pointed at him."
- Jean-Claude
"I shook my head. Asking Jean-Claude not to be a pain in the ass was like asking rain not to
be wet. Why try?"
"'Damn you,' I said softly and with feeling.
He smiled, 'We've been over that, ma petite, you are too late.'"
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"'I'll drive,' Larry said.
'No, you won't,' I said.
Larry held out his hand for the keys. "You have to trust me sometimes.' I just looked at him.
'I promise to shoot anything, human or monster, that threatens me while I'm gone.' He made the Boy Scout sign, three fingers
to heaven. 'You can bail me out of jail and explain that I was just following orders.'"
- Larry & Anita
"'I don't want him hurt because he got out of hand with me.'
'Yet you would have shot him.'
I shrugged. 'I never said I was consistent, just serious.'"
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"Jean-Claude turned in his seat as far as the seat belt would allow. I'd insisted everybody
wear seat belts, which amused the vampire. I guess it was silly to have a dead man buckle up, but hey, I was driving."
"'You are drunk,' I said.
He nodded. 'I believe I am. I've drunk deep of two mortals, but neither of you are human.'
I didn't want to hear this. 'What the hell are you talking about?'
'Necromancer with a chaser of werewolf; a drink to make any vampire giddy.'
He giggled. Jean-Claude never giggles. I ignored him if you can ignore an intoxicated vampire."
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"I looked at Larry. There wasn't a drop of blood on him. He was the only one who hadn't wrestled
with vampires tonight. He shrugged. 'Sorry; I just couldn't get anybody to bleed on me tonight.'"
- Larry
"Never get friendly with the sacrifices. Makes it hard to kill them."
The Killing Dance
"'I was just offered a contract on your life, for enough money to make it worth my while.'
'Did you take it?'
'Would I be calling you if I had?'
'Maybe,' I said.
He laughed. 'True, but I'm not going to take it.'
'Why not?'
'Friendship.'
'Try again,' I said.
'I figure I'll get to kill more people guarding you. If I take the contract, I only get to
kill you.'
'Comforting.'"
- Edward & Anita
"I knew that a well-placed bullet would destroy it all, but for a few seconds, I felt safe.
Illusion is sometimes all that keeps us sane."
"'Dammit, Anita, you could have been killed.'
'But I wasn't.'
'That's your answer to everything. If you survive, it's all right.'
'It beats the alternative,' I said."
- Richard & Anita
"I filled my automatic fish feeder full of enough food for a week. In a week's time, if the
assassin was still after me, and if I was still alive, I'd have to come back. All the bad guys had to do was stake out my
fish tank and they had me if they were patient enough."
"'Anita, don't take this wrong. To me you're worth any amount of money, but why would somebody
pay half a million dollars to kill you?'
For someone who knew nothing about assassins, he'd grasped the big question quite nicely."
- Richard
"He needed to be held, to be told the monster under the bed wasn't really there. I couldn't
help him on the last. The monsters were real. But the first, I might manage that. Cold-blooded killer that I am, maybe I could
share my toy penguin with him."
"'It is too damn early in the morning for furball politics. If someone wants a piece of me,
tell them to go to the back of the line.'
She cocked her head to one side, like a curious dog. 'Is it a long line?'
'Lately, yeah.'
'I thought all your enemies were dead,' Jason said.
'I keep making new ones,' I said.
He smiled. 'Fancy that.'"
- Anita, Sylvie & Jason
"Jean-Claude didn't mind killing people. Once upon a time, I'd thought that made him monstrous.
Now I agreed with him. Will the real monster please stand up?"
"'I'll kill you'
I drew the Firestar and pointed it at him. 'I don't think so.'
'She is pack now,' Sylvie said. 'You fight one of us, and you fight all of us.'
Edward raised his eyebrows at me. 'What is going on, Anita?'
'I think I've been adopted,' I said."
- Neal, Anita, Sylvie & Edward
"Jason patted me on the back. 'Tomorrow night we'll take you out chasing deer.'
'I thought you'd chase cars,' I said.
He grinned. 'What fun is that? Cars don't bleed.'"
- Jason & Anita
"'You'd trust monsters to watch my back?'
He smiled, and it was pleasant. 'Monsters make excellent cannon fodder.'
'They aren't cannon fodder,' Richard said.
'Everyone's cannon fodder,' Edward said, 'eventually.'"
- Anita, Edward & Richard
"I frowned at him. 'Enough already. See if I ever give you another apology for anything.'
'A dance would suffice,' he said.
'I don't dance. You know that.'
'This is the grand opening of my dance club, ma petite. You are my date. Are you truly going
to deny me even one dance?'
Put that way it sounded petty. 'One dance.'
He smiled, wicked, enticing. The smile that the serpent must have given Eve. 'I think we will
dance well together, ma petite.'
'I doubt it.'
'I think we would do many things well together.'
'Give you one dance and you want the whole package. Pushy bastard.'
He gave a small bow, smiling, eyes shining."
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"I didn't want to accidentally shoot the woman in the head. Killing the hostage is always frowned
upon."
"I couldn't see around the bend of the stairs. I hated not being able to see around corners.
But this time I was invited; I hadn't come to kill anybody. The vamps tended to be a lot friendlier when you weren't trying
to kill them."
"I had more legal vampire kills than any other vampire hunter in the country. They didn't call
me the Executioner for nothing. So how did I end up being safer in the depths of the Circus of the Damned with the monsters
than above ground with the humans? Because somewhere along the line, I didn't kill the monster I should have. That particular
monster was gliding up the hallway ahead of me. And he still had the cutest butt I'd ever seen on a dead man."
"'Don't get all pissy on me.'
'I shall get pissy if I want to,' he said."
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"Jean-Claude stood up. 'I will go escort your guest in.'
'I better go with you,' Edward said. 'Harley doesn't know you, but he'll know what you are.'
'What's that supposed to mean?' I asked.
'If a strange vampire walked up to you in this place and said follow me, would you do it?'
I thought about that. 'Probably not.'
Edward smiled. 'Neither would Harley.'"
- Jean-Claude, Edward & Anita
"'Worried about me?'
He shrugged. 'I'm your bodyguard. If you die under my protection, the other bodyguards will
make fun of me.'
It took me a second to realize he was making a joke. Harley looked back at him with an almost
surprised look. I don't think either of us heard humor from Edward much."
- Anita & Edward
"There was a knock on the door. Richard came in without waiting for an invitation. He was scowling,
but the grumpy look faded when he got a good look at me. His eyes widened.
'I was going to complain about my outfit.' He shook his head. 'If I complain, will you just
shoot me?'"
- Richard
"One thing I could always depend on was Jean-Claude. Pain in the ass that he was, he always
seemed to be there. Dependable in his own twisted way. Jean-Claude dependable? I must have been more tired than I thought."
Burnt Offerings
"It wasn't mercy. I didn't want to go to jail. The fact that the punishment worried me more
than the crime said something about my moral state. Some days I thought I was becoming a sociopath. Some days I thought I
was already there."
"Mercy will get you killed, but sometimes it's all that makes us human."
"Questions are great, but only if you know the answers. If you ask questions and the answers
surprise you, you look silly. Hard to be threatening when you look ill-informed."
"'So just tell me what you like on the menu, and we'll negotiate.'
'All that is required is that you taste what is ordered. You do not have to eat it.'
'No, no more of this tasting shit. I've gained weight. I never gain weight.'
'You have gained four pounds, so I am told. Though I have searched diligently for this phantom
four pounds and cannot find them. It brings your weight up to a grand total of one hundred and ten pounds, correct?'
'That's right.'
'Oh, ma petite, you are growing gargantuan.'
I looked at him, and it was not a friendly look."
- Anita & Jean-Claude
"When in doubt, ignore and be unimpressed."
"Asher was a vampire. How much more dangerous could he be with a gun? But I couldn't do it.
'Let me test my understanding. Is Asher going to ride in the car with us to the meeting?'
'I must to give you directions,' Asher said.
'Then lean against the Jeep.'
He frowned at me in an amused, condescending sort of way. 'Excuse me?'
'I don't care if you're the second coming of the Antichrist, you can't sit behind me in my
own car until I know you're not carrying a weapon.'
Asher smiled brilliantly at both of us, flashing fang. 'I could rip you into pieces with my
bare hands, and you're worried I have a gun?' He chuckled, a low, skin-prickling sound. 'That is so very cute.'"
- Anita & Asher
"'He would have killed us,' I said.
'Council's privilage,' Asher said.
'That's rediculous,' I said. 'You're saying because we didn't roll over and die, we're going
to be killed now?'"
- Anita & Asher
"He hissed at me, and there was nothing human in the gesture. I gave him a bored look.
'Come off it, Asher. Been there, done that. If you want to play big-bad-vampire, get in line.'"
- Anita
"'Look into my eyes.'
I shook my head. 'What do you guys do, sit around watching old Dracula movies and stealing
the dialogue?'"
- Liv & Anita
"I'd managed to keep my feet through vampires, shapeshifters, human servants, and arsonists,
but a pair of high heels had set me back on my ass. Vanity, thy name is woman."
"'Jesus, you look like shit,' I said.
He almost smiled. 'Thanks, I need that.'
'What's wrong, Larry?'
'Other than my back feels like a red-hot poker is being shoved up it?'
'Besides that,' I said.
'I'll tell you in the car.'
I didn't argue with him, just started walking for the Jeep. I turned and found him standing
very still, eyes closed, hands in fists at his sides. I walked back to him.
'Need a hand?'
He opened his eyes, smiled, 'A back, actually. Hands work fine.'"
- Anita & Larry
"Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright."
"The only thing that kept me from making some scathing remark was that I'd pretty much given
my word to let Jean-Claude do the talking tonight. He thought I might say something to piss someone off. Who, me?"
Blue Moon
"The air slapped against the plane, making it shudder. Turbulence, just turbulence. Jason kissed
the top of my head. 'You know you're actually cute when you're scared.' I turned very slowly in the seat and stared at him.
I would have liked to say I stared at him until his smile faded away, but we didn't have that kind of time. Jason would grin
on his way into hell."
- Jason
"Damian said, 'If I'm not interrupting, I need to feed.' He was standing by the door, hugging
himself as if he were cold.
'You want me to open the door and yell dinner?' I asked."
- Damian & Anita
"Her first words were, 'I cannot believe you dated that woman. She is a whore.'
Richard looked embarrassed, more than I'd gotten from him. 'I know what she is.'
'Did you have sex with her?'
'Mother!'
'Don't you mother me, Richard Alaric Zeeman.'
'Alaric,' I said.
Richard spared me a frown, then turned back to his mother."
- Charlotte, Richard & Anita
"Jason was still sitting against the desk, watching the show. I looked at him without turning
around. 'You do realize that you're the only one who seems to be enjoying the view.'
He shrugged, grinning. 'It's a nice view.'
I raised my eyebrows. 'Don't tell me you're gay.'
'Don't tell me you care,' he replied.
My eyebrows went up a little farther. 'My heart is breaking. I'll have to burn all my lingerie.'"
- Anita & Jason
"Damian had gone to his knees staring at his hands. He ripped his shirt off in pieces, leaving
remnants of the sleeves on his arms. The rotting flesh was halfway to his elbows.
'I healed Damian once of a facial cut,' I said.
Damian made a sound between a laugh and something more bitter. 'I didn't nick myself shaving,
Anita.'"
- Anita & Damian
"Asher's voice broke the stillness. 'We can all walk away from here tonight, Colin.'
'Impressively violent,' Colin said, 'but I think you are mistaken. Poor Archie will not be
walking anywhere.'
'My apologies to Archie,' I said.
'I must have payment for him, Miss Blake.'
'You can bill me.'"
- Asher, Colin & Anita
"He grinned, and started to roll off of me. The door opened and Richard was suddenly standing
there staring down at us. Perfect, just perfect.
'Would you believe I slipped?' Jason asked.
'No,' Richard said.
That one word was very cold."
- Jason & Richard
"Jamil looked at me for a second, then went and offered his arm to Jason, who refused the offer.
'If Anita doesn't need help, neither do I.'
'Don't be a hard case,' I said.
'Now, that's the pot calling the kettle black,' Jason said.
'If I offered you my arm, you'd take it,' I said.
'An excuse to hang all over a pretty girl? Sure.'"
- Jason & Anita
"He jerked back too fast to see, and his fist was suddenly connecting with my chin. I didn't
pass out, but my body went limp. Part of me was screaming silently. The other part was saying, 'Oh, what pretty trees.'"
"'Linus will search you for wires, then we can talk.'
'I don't want him touching me. Nothing personal, Linus.'
'I must insist it be Linus, in case you have some magic or other about your person that would
disturb us.'
I frowned at him. 'Like what? The holy hand grenade?'"
- Franklin Niley & Anita
"Sheriff Wilkes sent Maiden and Thompson to escort us out of town in a black and white, or
in this case, a blue and white, but the effect was the same. Thompson waved merrily as we drove past them out of the city
limits. It would have been childish to give him the finger, so I didn't do it. Zane did it for me. Jason blew him a kiss."
"'I tortured a man, Jason. I reduced him to something that writhed on the floor, mewling with
terror and pain. And I wanted to do it.' I shook my head. 'I'll do my bit tonight, but forgive me if it's a little harder
to keep going than normal. Forgive me if I'm not superwoman after all.'
'Not superwoman?' he exclaimed, putting a hand on his chest in mock surprise. 'You've lied
to me all these years!'
It made me smile, and I didn't want to smile."
- Anita & Jason
"'Is life supposed to stop because you did something horrible? I'll tell you the real horrible
truth, Anita. No matter what you do or how bad you feel about it, life just goes on. Life doesn't give a fuck that you're
sorry or upset or derranged or tormented. Life just goes on, and you gotta go with it, or sit in the middle of the road and
feel sorry for yourself.'"
- Jason
Obsidian Butterfly
"I was covered in blood, but it wasn't mine, so it was okay. Not only was it not my blood,
but it was all animal blood. If the worst casualties of the night were six chickens and a goat, I could live with that, and
so could everyone else."
"Once upon a time Edward had come to my aid, been my backup. He'd brought a friend, Harley,
with him as more backup. I'd ended up killing Harley. Now, Harley had tried to kill me first, and I'd just been quicker, but
Edward had taken the killing personally. Picky, picky."
"I hated to be in a plane being flown by someone I didn't know, who I had not personally drug
tested. I just wasn't the trusting sort."
"'Where's the father?'
'Donna is a widow.'
I looked at him, and the look was enough.
'No, I didn't do it. He died years before I met Donna.'"
- Anita & Edward
"I raised eyebrows at Edward. Oh, pooh. The most dangerous man I'd ever met was engaged to
a mother of two that said things like, 'oh, pooh.' It was just too weird."
"Better to assume the worst and be wrong than assume the best and be wrong. Pessimism will
keep you alive, optimism won't."
"'What are the gun laws like in New Mexico?'
His lips twitched. 'New Mexico lets you carry as long as it's not concealed. Concealed without
a permit is illegal.'
'Let me test my understanding. I can wear the gun in full view of everyone with or without
a carry permit, but if I put a jacket over it, concealing it, and don't have a carry permit, it's illegal?'
The twitch turned into a smile. 'That's right.'"
- Anita & Edward
"If you can't impress yourself, then no one else really matters."
"We would never go shopping together or eat an entire cake while we complained about men. He'd
never invite me over to his house for dinner or a barbecue. We'd never be lovers. But there was a very good chance that one
of us would be the last person the other saw before we died. It wasn't friendship the way most people understood it, but it
was friendship."
"There were several people I'd trust with my life, but there is no one else I'd trust with
my death. If I wanted death, Edward would give it to me. Because we both understand that it isn't death that we fear. It's
living."
"Edward and I stood there trying to appear harmless, but useful. I was a lot better at looking
harmless than Edward was. I didn't even have to work at it most of the time. He was better at looking useful, though."
"'Any clues in the cookie jar?' Edward asked from his chair.
'No,' I said. 'I just had to know if it really mooed.'"
- Edward & Anita
"I realized that he was cute in a young guy sort of way, and he knew it. Not in an egomaniac
way, but I was a female, and he was cute, and he was hoping that that would cut him some slack with me. Boy, was he shopping
in the wrong aisle."
"I blinked at him. Maybe the boyish charm wasn't just a cop technique. Maybe he was, gasp,
flirting."
"He spoke low, but it carried. 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.'
I thought of a lot of things to say, and do, most of which would have gotten me dragged out
by a bunch of uniforms. I didn't want to be dragged out, but I wanted to make Marks suffer. Choices, choices.
I rose on tiptoe and planted a big kiss on his mouth. He stumbled back, pushing away from me
so hard he fell into the bedroom and left me pushed into the hallway beyond.
'You're lying in your evidence, Marks,' I said.
'Get her ass out of here, now.'
I blew Marks a kiss, and left through a grinning parade of policemen. One of the uniforms offered
to let me kiss him anytime.
I told him he couldn't handle it and left through the front door to laughter, catcalls, and
masculine humor mostly at Marks' expense.
He didn't seem to be a popular guy. Go figure."
- Marks & Anita
"'Deductive reasoning,' Edward said. 'I'm impressed.'
'Yeah, me and Sherlock Holmes.'"
- Edward & Anita
"The short one with the scar shifted from foot to foot. 'Yeah, this is Russell,' he motioned
at the Indian, 'and this is Newt.'
I almost said 'Newt,' aloud, but figured we had enough problems without me being a smart-ass.
And people say I don't know when to keep my mouth shut."
- Harold
"I'd never really hoped to see where he lived. He was like Batman. He rode into town, saved
your ass, then vanished, and you never really expected an invitation to see the Bat Cave. Now here I was standing in front
of it. Cool."
"The smile flashed wider. 'Now, allow me to escort your lily white ass to the dining room.'
I shook my head. 'Lead on, tall, dark, and studly, as long as I get to watch your ass while
we walk down the hall.'
'Only if you promise to tell me how you like the view.'
I widened my eyes. 'You mean give you a critique on your butt?'
He nodded and the smile looked happy now.
'Are you this big an egotist or just trying to embarrass me?'
'Guess.'
'Both,' I said.
The smile spread to a grin. 'You are as smart as you look.'
'Just get moving, Romeo.'"
- Bernardo & Anita
"Why is it when you have a sure thing to bet on, there's never anyone around to take your money?"
"'The Master of the City calls herself Itzpapalotl.'
'Isn't that like an Aztec goddess?' I asked.
'Yes, it is.'
'Talk about delusions of grandeur.'"
- Edward & Anita
"Edward and I playing Dear Abby to each other. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so
sad."
"Never underestimate the creativity of a being that is hundreds of years old."
"She breathed arrogance as she breathed power. But why not be arrogant? She was, after all,
a goddess, self-proclaimed anyway. You'd have to be either absolutely arrogant or crazy to claim godhood."
"I wasn't sure if the ammo would go through the first vamp and into the second. The second
vamp had saved me. It really wouldn't be nice to blow a hold in him."
"I've learned over the years that if someone says they're a god, you don't argue with them
unless you're better armed. How bad could it be, watching them prove they were gods? Don't answer that."
"If she wasn't a delusional, sadistic, megalomaniac, would-be goddess, she might have been
likable."
"Edward suggested we stick all the pictures on the walls of the dining room.
'And put pin holes in your nice clean walls,' I said.
'Don't be barbaric,' Edward said. 'We'll use sticky putty.'"
- Anita & Edward
"Just what I needed - a necromancer with an attitude. Oh, wait, I was a necromancer with an
attitude."
"Murder and mayhem first. Possible real estate scam later. Some days you just have to prioritize."
"He wouldn't let me talk in front of the survivors about the fact that they might be dead.
Because if I was wrong, it might cause them distress. He had a point."
"'Wiccans do not kill things to raise power.'
He shrugged. 'Sorry, they don't teach comparative religion or metaphysics in assassin school.'"
- Anita & Edward
"Maybe it had been the plan all along. Knowing Edward it probably had been. He said solve this
case when what he usually meant was kill them, kill them all. As a plan, I'd heard worse. As a way of life, it lacked a certain
romance. As a way to stay alive, it was just about perfect."
"The parts of myself that I was using up to slay the monsters was finite, and once I used it
all up, there would be no going back. I'd be Edward in drag."
"'Did you call the cops, Harold?' Edward asked.
'Don't be an ass,' Harold said."
- Edward and Harold
"'Marks is in charge of the case. He has the right to use his resources as he sees fit.'
'Stop talking political rhetoric and tell me what the little shithead has done now.'"
- Ramirez and Anita
"'I'm carrying two more guns, a knife, and a gorrote.'
My eyes had gone wide. 'A garrote. Even for you that's a little Psychos 'R Us.'"
- Edward & Anita
"I hate women who complain about being fat when they're like a size five. Anything under size
five isn't a woman. It's a boy with breasts."
"'Do you have a problem with us hunting down and killing a god from your pantheon?'
A look crossed her face that I didn't understand. 'If it is a god, then you cannot kill it,
and if you can kill it, then it is not a god. I do not mourn the death of false gods.'
It was kind of funny coming from her, but I let it go."
- Anita & Itzpapalotl
"'Is there a reasons for torturing me, too, or is it just a hobby?'
He smiled, pleasant, confident. 'I thought you would be worthy of my men, but I find you weak,
Ms. Blake. Weakness should be punished. But it must be done carefully, so you can still do the spell, because I do want that.'
'Isn't the line, these things must be done delicately or you injure the spell?'
Deuce laughed, Riker frowned at me.
'It's from The Wizard of Oz,' Deuce said. 'The Wicked Witch of the West says it to Dorothy.'"
- Anita, Riker & Deuce
"I'd thought that nothing could be scarier than Edward at his most cold. I was wrong. Edward
the family man was downright terrifying."
"Several of the uniforms and most of the hospital staff assumed I was a federal agent. I kept
having to correct people, and I finally realized that the emergency room doctor thought my denial meant I had a concussion
and didn't know who I was. The more I argued the more concerned he got."
"I called the police on the way. I made it an anonymous call. Saying I'd heard screams. I hung
up without giving my name.
'Why didn't you tell them the truth?' Bernardo asked.
'What? I think that some serial killer is there murdering her. And how do you know this, ma'am?
Well, officer, you see it's like this. I've known he was a serial killer for days now, but our mutual friend Ted Forrester
had forbidden him from attacking women while he was here helping us with the mutilation murders. You've heard of the mutilation
murders. Who is this? It's Anita Blake, the vampire executioner. And what does an executioner know about serial murderers?
More than you'd think.' I looked at Bernardo.
'All right, all right. They'd still be asking questions when we arrived at the house.'"
- Bernardo & Anita
"I might be able to fake being a fed, but then again maybe not. And it's a federal offense
to impersonate a federal agent. Bernardo and I had assaulted a police officer. We didn't need any more charges."
"Growing up to be Edward was a problem. Growing up to be Olaf was a nightmare."
Narcissus in Chains
"'Breathe, Anita, remember to breathe.'"
- Jason
Cerulean Sins
"Behind the circus was dark and quiet. The calliope music that blared out front was a distant
dream back here. Once upon a time I'd only come to the circus to kill vampire. Now I used the employee parking lot. Oh, how
the mighty have fallen."
"What was I supposed to say, that if I hadn't been so squeamish this wouldn't be happening?
I'm sorry I have issues with my boyfriend doing other men."
"You'd think with my reputation, vampires would stop underestimating me. But dead or alive,
there are always fools."
"Zerbrowski shrugged, 'Katie gave me strict orders to invite you and Micah over for dinner
next time I saw you. So here it is, and when can you come over?'
'I'll ask Micah what our schedule looks like.'
His eyes flicked to Jason, and he grinned. 'Unless you've changed guys again?'
'No,' I said, 'Jason's just a friend.'
'The friend speech,' Jason clutched his heart with his free hand, the other still wrapped around
mine, 'it cuts so deep.'"
- Zerbrowski, Anita & Jason
"My vision took a second to focus, then I saw the knee beside my face was wearing hose, and
a skirt. I knew it wasn't one of the men, unless they had hobbies I didn't know about."
"Nothing turns to hate so bitter as what once was love."
"Vampires were always either trying to kill me, or own me. God I hated being popular."
"I wasn't sure I liked how sure Jean-Claude was of me, but I couldn't really argue without
lying, so I let it go. Shutting the fuck up is seldom a bad move on my part."
"Guns don't care if you're psychically gifted. Guns don't care about anything. They don't bitch
at you about the rules in your personal life, either. Of course, neither does a dog, but I don't have to use a pooper-scooper
after I'm through shooting my gun."
"I raised the sleeves on my shirt and showed my own healing scratches. 'When I was afraid I'd
hurt him more I scratched myself..." He almost touched some of the deeper scratches on my arm, then stopped and almost touches
the scratches on Jason's arms.
'I hope the sex was good."
Jason looked down at the table top, and did his best impression of an aw' shucks look. He managed
to look coy and pleased with himself all at the same time.
'That's answer enough,' I said.
Jason flashed me a grin that made his baby blues sparkle. 'Whatever you say, mistress."
I gave him a very mean look, that didn't dim his enjoyment one bit."
- Zerbrowski, Anita & Jason
"'You look like shit,' I said.
He smiled, without opening his eyes. 'You sweet-talker.'"
- Anita & Jason
"A loud honking and the screech of brakes brought me back to the road, and the fact that I
was driving. I managed to not hit anyone, but it was close. I threaded my way through a forest of rude gestures and Jason's
laughters.
'I feel better now,' he said, laughter still thick in his voice.
'What is so damned funny?' I said.
'I was trying to flirt and it worked. You've never reacted to my body before, not even when
I was naked.'
I concentrated on the road, really hard. He chortled. 'You're blushing for me. Oh, God, yes!'"
- Jason & Anita
"We were both ignoring the vampire that was glowering at us. Nothing takes the wind out of
your sails when you're trying to be scary like being ignored."
"I'd never been in a room that was lit entirely by gas lamps. I'd half expected there to be
an odor of gas, but there wasn't. Jean-Claude informed me that if I smelled gas it would mean there was a leak, and we should
probably run like hell. Okay, what he actually said was we should leave as quickly as possible, but I knew what he meant."
"He had not volunteered to be one of Jean-Claude's pretty men. Damian was a touch homophobic.
Boy, had he fallen in with the wrong bunch of vampires."
"I realized in that moment that Richard was still living in that other world. The world where
people played fair and horrible things never really happened. It must have been a peaceful place to live, the planet that
people like Richard called home. I'd always admired the view, but I'd never lived there. The trouble was that Richard didn't
live there either."
"Never argue when you're winning."
"She fought, but she couldn't keep the arogance off her face. I guess when you've been alive
longer than Christ has been dead, you can't help but be arrogant."
"'You bastard,' I said.
He wiggled his eyebrows above the rim of his glasses. 'Not what my mom says, though you're
not the first to speculate.'"
- Anita & Zerbrowski
"'You're our monster expert and if this isn't a monster, I don't know what is.'
He had me there. 'It's a monster, Zerbrowski, but is it a human monster or something else?
That's the sixty-four-billion-dollar question.'
'I thought it was sixty-four-thousand-dollar question,' he said.
'Inflation,' I said."
- Zerbrowski & Anita
"Merlioni made a sort of crowing sound. 'I knew it, I won.'
I looked at him, then at Zerbrowski. 'I'm sorry, what did you say?'
Zerbrowski didn't even look embarrassed when he said, 'We had a bet going on whether you'd
actually fish around in the tub.'
I sighed and shook my head. 'You are all such unmitigated bastards.'
'Unmitigated, ooh,' said Merlioni, 'if you use big words to insult us, Blake, we'll never figure
it out.'"
- Merlioni, Zerbrowski & Anita
"I glanced at Webster. He was damn near six feet. 'Can you spot Sergeant Zerbrowski?'
'He's on the far side of the room.'
'Can you get his attention?'
He got a mischievous grin on his face, a look that Zerbrowski and Jason had made me dread.
'I could put you on my shoulders, then he'd spot you.'
I gave him a look that wilted the grin into a smile. He shrugged. 'Sorry.'
But it was the kind of sorry I'm used to, the one Jason always gives me when he's not sorry
at all."
- Anita & Webster
"Larry is back in town. The wedding is set for October. Tammy is threatening to have me in
the wedding. Some friends they are."
"I'm learning that you have to make time for what's important. You have to fight to carve little
pieces of happiness out of your life, or the everyday emergencies will eat up everything."
Incubus Dreams
Coming soon!
Micah
"Nathaniel, as a stripper, didn't get emergency calls much. Just as well, I wasn't sure I wanted
to know what a stripper emergency call would be."
"The truth may not set you free, but used carefully, it can confuse the hell out of your enemies."
"Why was I mad? Because he'd surprised me with a really nice hotel room. What a bastard."
"'We understood that the FBI was requested to supply you with poultry,' he said.
Any normal human being would have said, Is that what the chicken is for?"
- Judge
"'Where are you carrying me to?'
'To the bed,' he said.
'Why?' Though I was pretty sure I knew why.
'So we can have sex, lots and lots of sex.'
I said the only thing I could think of. 'You do know how to sweet-talk a girl.'
He grinned at me. 'Well, I could have said that I plan on fucking you until you're unconscious,
but then you''d just think I was bragging.'"
- Anita & Micah
"He picked up the bag with all the zombie-raising paraphernalia in it. He'd carry it. After
all, he was the assistant. He needed to look useful."
"We finished the walk to the grave hand in hand. Maybe it wasn't professional, but I didn't
care anymore. Besides, once I cut his arm open with the machete, no one would complain that he wasn't assisting me enough."
"'I didn't think the FBI was allowed to admit they were wrong.'
He smiled, but not like he was entirely happy. 'If you tell anyone, I'll deny it.'"
- Anita & Chester Fox
Danse Macabre
Coming soon!
The Harlequin
"I was the only vampire hunter who was also dating her Master of the City. Most people saw
it as a conflict of interest."
"'I have a warrant with Sally Hunter's name on it.' Hell, I had her driver's license picture
in the file with the warrant. I have to admit that having a picture to go with it made me feel more like an assassin. A picture
so I'd get the right one."
- Anita
"'Go on your date with Nathaniel, celebrate your almost-anniversary. This is not our fight,
not yet, perhaps not ever. Do not make it our fight, for it could be the death of everyone we love.'
'Oh, thanks, and with that cheery message, I'll have no trouble going to the movies and enjoying
myself.'"
- Jean-Claude & Anita
"One of my other boyfriends said I hated being in love, and he was right. It always felt so
stupid, like your insurance rates should go up, because you're impaired. Romantically handicapped."
"You hate most in others what you're afraid of in yourself."
"Most vamps relied on vampire powers. I wasn't sure the Harlequin did. In fact, I was betting
they didn't. Ancient vampires and armed with modern shit; it just wasn't fair."
"I wasn't lying, not really, I was just fudging the truth. Okay, fudging like double chocolate
with three kinds of nuts, but it still wasn't a complete lie."
"'You would never call me just to chat, Anita. That's not what we do for each other.'
He laughed again, and murmured, 'Called to chat,' as if the idea were too rediculous for words."
- Edward
"He might be talking about domestic bliss and raising teenagers, but he was still the coldest
killer I'd ever met, and that person was still in there. I wasn't sure whether I couldn't bear the thought of him watching
Becca at ballet class, or would have paid to see him sitting with all the other parents waiting for their leotard-clad darling."
"'I want to know that I'm still the best-endowed man in your bed.'
'You know, I don't actually get out a ruler and measure everybody.'"
- Richard & Anita
"Gabriel had been in charge of the local wereleopards before I had to kill him. He'd been trying
to rape me, on film, at the time. Raina had been offstage urging him on. They'd made a lovely couple, in that lower-circle-of-hell
sort of way."
"'This isn't fair,' Graham said.
'What are you, five? Fair, fuck fair.'"
- Graham & Anita
"'I don't have a problem with this,' Micah said.
'No, of course you don't, because you're perfect,' Richard said.
Micah looked at me, as if asking how much fight to have.
'Don't fight,' I said.
'And just because she says "don't fight," you won't fight, will you?' Richard asked.
'Usually, no,' Micah said.
'Sometimes, Micah, I hate you,' Richard said.
'Right back at you,' Micah said with a smile."
- Micah, Richard & Anita
"'You're going to have to learn things about vampires and the shapeshifters that you could
use against them. I need your word of honor that what you learn won't come back to haunt them, or me.'
'Even the lions?' he asked.
'They're members of our coalition.'
'That means they're off limits?'
'No, it means we have to kick them out of the coalition before we can do anything to them.'
He smiled then. 'So honorable.'"
- Anita & Edward
"'Don't die on me. The other bodyguards would never let me live it down.'
I smiled. 'I'll do my best to protect your reputation.'"
- Edward & Anita
"Apparently, the secret was out, and we were just calling a spade a scary shovel."
"I needed Edward and his backup. At that moment I would have welcomed any backup he thought
could handle the job. I was wrong. I didn't welcome Edward's backup. One of them I wanted to send back to his mommy. The other
I wanted to put a bullet in his brain, or heart."
"'Olaf has been a special-ops assassin for most of his adult life.'
'I don't hold his day job against him, Edward; it's his damn hobby that I don't like.'
'Hobby? You call the fact that he's a serial killer his hobby?'"
- Edward & Anita
"'I did not call you a whore.'
'You said I sleep around.'
'You have half a dozen regular lovers, and you just had sex with a new one. Give me another
way to say it.'
I thought about it, then shook my head and almost smiled. 'A full dance card.'"
- Edward & Anita
"'It's pretty to think that it matters why you take a life. I guess it does, but what the taking
of a life does to you inside doesn't care why you did it. You either can kill and sleep nights, or you can't.'"
"'And therein lies the problem,' Graham said.
'Therein,' Requiem said, his voice softly mocking.
'I try to improve my vocabulary and you make fun of me; what kind of encouragement is that?'"
- Graham & Requiem
"'So there really is a rumor that no one gets to join Jean-Claude's kiss without fucking him.'
'Or you,' Truth said.
'I'm really disappointed that one isn't true, by the way,' Wicked said, with a grin.
'Me, too,' Graham said.
I gave them both the look they deserved."
- Anita, Truth, Wicked & Graham
"Olaf brought up the rear. I didn't like him behind me, but he wasn't doing anything wrong.
The fact that I could feel the weight of his gaze on my back almost like a hand pressing between my shoulder blades wasn't
something I could really bitch about. I mean, what was I supposed to say, Stop looking at me? It was a little too
childish for me to say it out loud, no matter how true it felt."
"Zerbrowski walked down the hallway with his usual smile. I had a horrible urge to hug him.
Which made me turn to Micah and Nathaniel. If I was thinking about falling into Zerbrowski's arms, I was badly in need of
a hug."
"'If we don't have to play human,' Micah said, 'we're very touchy-feely, and we tend to wear
our emotions out.'
Zerbrowski grinned. 'Damn, that must have been an adjustment for you, Anita.'
'What's that supposed to mean?'
'It means you're like most cops I know - you stuff your emotions. Does this mean if the boyfriends
aren't around at a crime scene some night, I can look forward to you hanging all over me?'
'You wish,' I said, and smiled at him."
- Micah, Zerbrowski & Anita
"'I spend a lot of time defending your honor with the other cops.'
'I can defend my own honor,' I said.
He grinned again. 'No you can't. I'm Zerbrowski, I can say a lot of shit and not make people
mad. I go for the funny bone, you go for the jugular. It makes people pissy.'
'He really does know you well,' Micah said.
'What the hell does that mean?'
He grinned at me. I found Nathaniel fighting not to grin. They were all grinning at me."
- Zerbrowski, Anita & Micah
"'Yeah, yeah, you and the horse you rode in on.'
'I don't understand. We have no horses.'
'Sorry, it's slang. I mean that I understand what you said, and I'm not impressed.'"
"'You think Jean-Claude is evil. Fine, fine. Jean-Claude, the evil bastard, saved Damian, ransomed
him from hell. They didn't even like each other, but Jean-Claude wouldn't leave anyone with her, not if he could save him.
Evil bastard.'"
- Anita
"'How do we know you're the real Columbine, a real Harlequin? All vampires know the rules,
the masks. Anyone could pretend,' I said.
'You uppity little bitch,' she said. 'How dare you?'"
- Anita & Columbine
Blood Noir
"Most of the wereanimals would go around nude if you let them. I wasn't quite comfy with that,
so [Nathaniel] wore the shorts to save my delicate sensibilities. There were some who thought I didn't have any of those left,
but they would be wrong, and they would be jealous."
"'What about Perdita, Perdy? You and she are going steady, right?'
[Jason] grinned at me. 'Going steady, you're so cute.'
I frowned at him. 'What else do you call it?'
Nathaniel kissed me on the forehead. 'You really are cute.'"
- Anita, Jason & Nathaniel
"'She wanted me to stop having sex with Jean-Claude and Asher, and you.'
'Wait, you aren't having sex with Jean-Claude and Asher, unless there's something I don't know.'
He smiled at me. 'The look on your face, man.'"
- Jason & Anita
"All men are leery of their emotions, spook them and they'll shut you down. If you're careful,
quiet, not too eager, sometimes you'll learn more. Of course, sometimes you have to club men over the head with some question
to get any sense out of them, but they prefer to speak from a quiet place."
"My eyes widened. 'Oh, Jason, I'm sorry, I didn't know.' I hugged him tighter.
He moved back so he could see my face. 'With all the bad news I've had today, and you look
that stricken that my girlfriend would only do standard bed sex?'
I tried to put into words what I was thinking, not always my best thing. 'You love sex. You're
good at it.'
'Why, gee, thanks.' He grinned."
- Anita & Jason
"They had a disagreement on whether I should leave my heels on or take them off. Nathaniel
voted for on; Jason wanted off. Jason's point was, 'I want to go down on her, and the heels hurt.'
Nathaniel's point was, 'Yeah, the heels hurt, what's your point?'"
- Jason & Nathaniel
"Jason said, 'You top both of us?'
'We top Anita.'
Jason smiled, but his eyes held something more serious than a smile. 'I always thought it would
take two of us.'"
- Jason & Nathaniel
"He'd been out on the streets before he was ten. He'd been a child prostitute not long after.
By thirteen, he'd been addicted to drugs. He'd been clean since he was seventeen, but saying Nathaniel had had a hard childhood
always sounded like calling the Titanic a boating accident."
"'So you did smoke.'
'I tried cigarettes, not the same thing as smoking.'
'So you weren't completely pure when Jean-Claude met you?'
I frowned at him. 'I'd tried cigarettes, Jason; that didn't really prepare me for Jean-Claude.'"
- Jason & Anita
"'They call it "the Gallery,"' Jason said. I looked at him. 'Hey, it was either this or the "Swinging '60s." It's painted completely in pink.'
'Pink?'
'Pink.'
'The room's lovely,' I said."
- Jason & Anita
"'Wait here,' I said.
'I'd like to come in,' he said.
'I'd like to be taller, but that ain't happening either.'"
- Anita & Chuck
"What do you wear to a bachelorette party for the future daughter-in-law of one of the richest
men in a given state, who is also a presidential hopeful?
They were Jason's friends, so I let him choose. I know, if the girl union ever hears that I
asked my straight male friend to dress me for a party I'll get my union card yanked, but hey, left to my own devices I'd have
grabbed jeans, a T-shirt, my jogging shoes, and an extra gun."
"I added knife sheaths in two wrist sheaths under the jacket. Jason had protested, but I'd
told him the truth. 'I won't be able to take off the jacket or I'll flash the gun, so I might as well have my knives.'
'You're not wearing the big-ass knife that sits at your spine, are you?'
'No,' I said, 'I left it at home, thank you. I didn't think your family was that dangerous.'"
- Anita & Jason
"I had the usual: extra guns, extra ammo, stakes, holy water, holy wafers, extra crosses. I'd
even thrown in some holy items from other faiths because I'd had occasion to work with local law enforcement that were not
Christian, and having everybody armed with a holy item was a good thing. If you got a few atheists, pray that they are well
armed, but don't tell them you're praying for them."
"First Jean-Claude's girlfriend, now Jason's. Sigh. You get a career, work your ass off for
a reputation, and you still end up being introduced as someone's girlfriend. Peachy."
"'Anita, come on, your magic is based on sex, and girls just don't do it for you. Not that
that doesn't disappoint me sometimes.'
'Hey, fantasize about your little girl-on-girl menage a trois on your own time.'"
- Jason & Anita
"I pointed the gun at him two-handed... I told him, 'Don't move!'
He didn't move, but he said, 'Do you wake all your lovers up at gunpoint?'"
- Anita & Crispin
"And there again in his voice was that confidence that he would do what he said. He would try
to make it better. At his best, Richard actually meant that. Problem was that sometimes there was no way to help everyone.
He wasn't so good in situations where there were no good choices. He tended to freeze, or react badly. Of course, I was at
my best when the choices went south. We could have been a good team, if we hadn't hated each other."
"Richard frowned at me, his handsome face closing down into those petulant lines. Why was it
that pretty people did petulant better than the rest of us?"
"'Do you really want us to go?' Crispin asked, and there was that wistful note in his voice
that most of us grow out of by the time we get to be twenty-one. I smiled, because that tone of voice made you either smile
or want to kick someone's ass."
- Crispin
"I had the ability to own someone. Trouble was I wasn't much into ownership. If I wanted to
own something that would give me undying loyalty, I'd buy a dog."
"Sometime if people forget you're there, you learn more. Silence can be a greater asset than
any question."
"The men all exchanged glances, and then Jamil said, 'Do you want us in the hallway, or her
in the bathroom?'
'I don't want her alone with Jason in the shower.'
I might have protested that, but we all have our weakness. Seeing an attractive man all wet
was one of mine."
- Jamil & Richard
"I glanced at him, and there was that look in his eyes. That look that was very Richard. He
was such a Boy Scout most of the time, such a good son, a good boy, a good teacher, a good man. Then, sometimes when we were
alone, he'd look at me with those dark eyes. That one look that said underneath all the goodness was someone who liked to
be bad. Someone who understood the darkness in me, as well as the light. If he hadn't hated the darkness in his own soul so
terribly much, I could have loved him forever. But you can't love someone who hates himself so much, and hates you for loving
the parts of himself that he hates the most. It's too complicated a dance to ever win."
"Love is real, and false, even true love. Because love alone cannot keep you safe, if there
is still a trembling fear inside you."
"Richard hadn't understood. He had believed in the goodness of the universe. I hadn't believed
in that since I was eight. Jean-Claude hadn't believed in words like goodness for centuries."
"Sometimes it's not the light in a person that you fall in love with, but the dark. Sometimes
it's not the optimist you need, but another pessimist to walk beside you and know, absolutely know, that the sound in the
dark is a monster, and it really is as bad as you think."
"'I worked at Guilty Pleasures because it pissed my family off and helped me have some money
of my own. I didn't say as a little boy, "I want to be an exotic dancer".'"
- Jason
"The more time I had to think before they came back, the better. People do not tie you up and
leave you on cold floors if they plan on doing nice things to you."
"I was no expert on surveillance, but I couldn't see anything that looked like a camera. Most
people didn't put shit like that in bathrooms. If you were a good guy, it was illegal and an invasion of privacy. You could
go to jail for it in a lot of states. Of course, these guys were already looking at kidnapping and assault. I wasn't sure
they'd sweat a little sexual harassment."
"'I heard you killed three men to save Jason,' he said, and this time he looked at Jason, not
at me.
'Two vampires and one man, yes.'
He looked back at me, when he asked, 'Does it matter to you that two of them were vampires?'
'Vampires are harder to kill; it makes the story more impressive.'"
- Frank Schuyler & Anita
"Peterson told me that it was Chuck who used our room and us as a stalking horse for the vampires.
Chuck's defense: he thought we'd win. I guess no one expects vampires to use flash-bang grenades and tranquilizer darts."
"...we are doing what Jason had suggested, confirming the rumors. We've started with Asher,
because that's the easiest. Now it's a matter of asking which of the men are okay with it being confirmed. Have you tried
asking a heterosexual man if he's okay that he and you acknowledge publicly that he's bisexual, and does men? Not an easy
sell."
"I've agreed to be less of a pain in the ass in the outward vampire community so that it looks
more like I'm being a good little human servant to Jean-Claude. Yeah, I know, how long can I behave myself? But I am trying.
Jean-Claude says I get points for trying, since he knows it is opposite my personality. Gotta love a man who loves you in
spite of, and sometimes because of, your little foibles."
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